Saturday 24 September 2016

Reader Response on Detroit House article Draft #1

In the article “This Detroit House is being turned into a living model of cost-saving sustainable design”, Peters (2016) illustrates how a group of three architecture graduates, through their project ‘“Motown Movement”’, aim to share the techniques of constructing a “sustainable” house. The locals had already implement some forms of eco-friendly practices but still lack in knowledge of modifying their houses in a more cost-efficient way. Therefore, the students constructed a house and converted it into a "training centre" to educate the public on energy efficient methods such as a "septic tank". A “do-it-yourself” approach is adopted and materials used are available at various local supply stores. They aim for the project to be applicable across different global climates and to increase awareness of this movement. In my opinion, the students should come up with a less aggressive approach when introducing drastic changes into the community of making Detroit environmentally friendly.

The first reason that makes the students approach too aggressive is because not many people would be open to such drastic changes. People in general would have a difficult time having to do something that they are not normally used to do. Yes, I do agree on the students’ eco-friendly techniques to make the houses in the community more energy efficient. However, they should focus more on how they can get the people of Detroit to ‘buy’ their idea. There are different forms of communication methods which can affect different groups of people. It is mentioned that having the proper means of communication empowers the speaker to convey uneasy subjects without any conflict in interests (Robinson, Segal & Smith, 2016). It is also important that one has to pay attention how the target audience process the information and whether the intended effect has been achieved (Moser, 2009). Subsequently, with a proper approach this may allow the locals to have less possibility of reluctance to change and a greater appreciation for the purpose of  “Motown Movement”.

When conducting such talks or hands-on workshops, the students can introduce and elaborate on the various ways to achieve an ecological environment. This can give locals a bigger picture on how sustainability is important and how it can benefit themselves in the long run. It is mentioned that there are many examples of renewable energy source such as solar energy in a solar cell generation or even wind power to turbines producing electricity (Marquit, 2009). This teaches the people of Detroit there are indeed other possible ways of achieving sustainability besides the techniques that the students aim to introduce. However, the methods to be displayed in the “training centre” are more applicable to the locals in achieving sustainability more cost-efficiently. On top of that, techniques that are displayed in the model house are achieved through the use of a “do-it-yourself” approach as the materials that the students used are readily available in the local supply stores. Again, this will emphasize on the purpose of “Motown Movement”.


Having better communication approach will make the people of Detroit more accepting and understanding the importance and benefits of achieving a sustainable house at a more cost-efficient way. The training facility will then be more welcoming for the community to visit and be better educated on other techniques that the students have to offer. In the long run, the students can keep updating more techniques that the community will be very interested to imitate such a relatable sustainable model. I believe by doing so, they will be able to achieve their aim of being able to put to application and educate other regions of the world in the long run.

Total word count: 601

References

Marquit, M. (2009, May 8). 5 Feasible renewable energy sources. Retrieved from http://phys.org/news/2009-05-feasible-renewable-energy-sources.html

Moser, C., S. (2009, December 22). Communicating climate change: history, challenges, process and future directions. Retrieved from http://www.susannemoser.com/documents/Moser_WIRE_2010.pdf

Peters, A. (2016, July 7). This Detroit House Is Being Turned Into A Living Model OF Cost-Saving Sustainable Design. Retrieved from https://www.fastcoexist.com/3061563/world-changing-ideas/this-detroit-house-is-being-turned-into-a-living-model-of-cost-saving-s

Robinson, L., Segal, J.,  Ph. D., and Smith, M. (2016, September). Effective Communication: Improving communication skills in your work and personal relationships. Retrieved from http://www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships/effective-communication.htm#resources

last edited // 05:53pm, 28 September 2016

5 comments:

  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  2. The summary does a good overview of the article. Plus there was clear transition to the reader response. Overall, the response is clearly supported, Thus it does make sense.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Ahmad,

      Thank you for your much appreciated feedback. I hope you enjoyed reading my summary and reader response overall. Thank you once again for taking your time to read and give me a constructed feedback on the above reader response.

      Regards,
      Dayn

      Delete
  3. This is a very good 2nd draft, Danish. What stands out from the summary through the response is the fine fluency. Your prose is clear, concise and correct. There are a few problems, but they don't detract from the overall flow. The main weakness here is the rather vague thesis, and the way that you support that. Your focus on the communication aspect of the project under review is quite unique. Peters gives very little info on that in her article. For me, you seem to make some assumptions about the project in terms of the way that is has not succeeded garnering support from within the community. It's not clear to me that you can do that without having a more complete picture of the interactions between the three Dutch architects and the people in the neighborhood where they have the house.

    So in terms of how you can improve on this draft, I'd suggest that you see what you can find in terms of similar projects, and informing your own opinion more solidly on that sort of evidence.

    Here are a few other items to consider:

    1) In the article “This Detroit House is being turned into a living model of cost-saving sustainable design”, Peters (2016) illustrates how a group of three architecture graduates, through their project ‘“Motown Movement”’, aim to share the techniques of constructing a “sustainable” house. >>> excellent opening sentence! It provides a fine overview of the article.

    2) had already implement >>> (wrong verb form)

    3) some inconsistency in verb tense in the summary (mixing past and present tense)

    4) In my opinion, the students should come up with a less aggressive approach when introducing drastic changes into the community of making Detroit environmentally friendly. >>> your thesis

    This is another, related assertion, that I find in the next paragraph:

    However, they should focus more on how they can get the people of Detroit to ‘buy’ their idea.

    Should this be made part of the thesis?

    5) the target audience process >>> (subject verb disagreement)

    6) You mention: There are different forms of communication methods which can affect different groups of people. It is mentioned that having the proper means of communication empowers the speaker to convey uneasy subjects without any conflict in interests (Robinson, Segal & Smith, 2016). It is also important that one has to pay attention how the target audience process the information and whether the intended effect has been achieved (Moser, 2009). Subsequently, with a proper approach this may allow the locals to have less possibility of reluctance to change and a greater appreciation for the purpose of “Motown Movement”.

    But aren't the graduates communicating by doing/showing?

    You need to make it clearer how their communication method has the potential for failure.

    7) excellent list of references

    I appreciate your effort!

    ReplyDelete
  4. This is a very good 2nd draft, Danish. What stands out from the summary through the response is the fine fluency. Your prose is clear, concise and correct. There are a few problems, but they don't detract from the overall flow. The main weakness here is the rather vague thesis, and the way that you support that. Your focus on the communication aspect of the project under review is quite unique. Peters gives very little info on that in her article. For me, you seem to make some assumptions about the project in terms of the way that is has not succeeded garnering support from within the community. It's not clear to me that you can do that without having a more complete picture of the interactions between the three Dutch architects and the people in the neighborhood where they have the house.

    So in terms of how you can improve on this draft, I'd suggest that you see what you can find in terms of similar projects, and informing your own opinion more solidly on that sort of evidence.

    Here are a few other items to consider:

    1) In the article “This Detroit House is being turned into a living model of cost-saving sustainable design”, Peters (2016) illustrates how a group of three architecture graduates, through their project ‘“Motown Movement”’, aim to share the techniques of constructing a “sustainable” house. >>> excellent opening sentence! It provides a fine overview of the article.

    2) had already implement >>> (wrong verb form)

    3) some inconsistency in verb tense in the summary (mixing past and present tense)

    4) In my opinion, the students should come up with a less aggressive approach when introducing drastic changes into the community of making Detroit environmentally friendly. >>> your thesis

    This is another, related assertion, that I find in the next paragraph:

    However, they should focus more on how they can get the people of Detroit to ‘buy’ their idea.

    Should this be made part of the thesis?

    5) the target audience process >>> (subject verb disagreement)

    6) You mention: There are different forms of communication methods which can affect different groups of people. It is mentioned that having the proper means of communication empowers the speaker to convey uneasy subjects without any conflict in interests (Robinson, Segal & Smith, 2016). It is also important that one has to pay attention how the target audience process the information and whether the intended effect has been achieved (Moser, 2009). Subsequently, with a proper approach this may allow the locals to have less possibility of reluctance to change and a greater appreciation for the purpose of “Motown Movement”.

    But aren't the graduates communicating by doing/showing?

    You need to make it clearer how their communication method has the potential for failure.

    7) excellent list of references

    I appreciate your effort!

    ReplyDelete