Wednesday, 14 September 2016

Formal Introduction

To: Brad Blackstone
From: Danish Khairen
Date: September 10, 2016
Subject: Self-introduction

Mr. Blackstone,

I am writing to you this email with regards to the task D of introducing myself. My name is Muhammad Danish Khairen. Prior to being enrolled here in Singapore Institute of Technology, I was a student at Ngee Ann Polytechnic for three years. I attained a Diploma in Mechanical Engineering with Minor in Business Management. When at leisure, my family and I love travelling around Singapore and discover new places of interest or cafes. Occasionally, I enjoy playing football with my friends over the weekend. My goal in this program is to do exceptionally well so as to broaden my knowledge and have a continuous education such as accomplishing Masters too. On top of that, I hope to be able to sign on in the Singapore Police Force and serve the nation as a Senior Police Officer, following the footsteps of my family members.

Danish Khairen
SIE 2016
Group 1

1st edit // 01:05pm, 19 Sept 2016
2nd edited // 08:51pm, 21 Sept 2016
last edited // 01:58pm, 3 Oct 2016
commented on Ali's formal introduction letter // 08:50pm, 21 Sept 2016
commented on Akmal's formal introduction letter // 09:09pm, 21 Sept 2016


  1. Hi Dannish,
    this is a very informative letter. Its great to see that you are having a good time by playing football during the weekend.
    on the side note there is some grammar and tenses mistake.
    Good luck in your goal toward Senior Police Officer.


    1. Hi Calvin,

      Thank you for your feedback and I will make necessary amends. Maybe we can play football together some time?


  2. Hi Danish,

    It was a very informative letter. I can tell you love travelling around the world with your family. Hope you will be able to do what you love when you grow up. However, you might want to improve the vocabulary of this letter. For example, instead of writing, 'Before' you might want to write 'Prior'. It makes the letter more interesting to read.
    Thanks and hope to see you soon!!

    1. Hi Ali,

      Thank you for your well constructed feedback. I will make the necessary changes to my letter.


  3. Thanks, Danish, for this concise and informative letter. It shows very good fluency as you provide some details of your background. It is especially interesting that even with an engineering degree you still look forward to being a police officer. I taught a number of officers in the sociology degree programme for SIT in its partnership with Liverpool. Did that not interest you?

    My only suggestion would be alter the salutation. Mr. is not exclusively used with a first name in a formal setting.

    1. Hi Mr. Brad,

      Thank you for your feedback. I will immediately make necessary changes to correct my mistake. I have considered such a program but I enjoy doing Mathematics and Physics! One last time studying these subject related before putting the books aside and signing on? :D


  4. Hey man,

    I think you missed one key point: You should not use Mister with a first name. In short, you can call me Mr. Blackstone, but not Mr. Brad.